I love him and he loves me. I know he does. But he cheated on me when times were rough in our relationship. He said he was sorry and that it was a stupid mistake. I know he regrets ever cheating on me and that he’s truly sorry. But how can I ever find the strength to forgive him?
You want freedom from the hurt of betrayal. You have already decided to stay. “I love him, and he loves me,” you say.
So, how do you let go of the hurt and pain that you feel?
Forgiving someone who broke trust in your monogamous relationship is tough, but you can do it. It’s your decision to make and no one else’s. Whether the decision is wise, you will find out moving forward. There are grey areas to being with a cheating boyfriend.
First, you must accept the fact that he cheated. Yes, he was with someone else. Second, talk to your partner. Not to hash why he did it. But to affirm that you are deciding to forgive and you will need his help to let go and build trust back into the relationship.
Go ahead, tell him how you feel. Tell him how it hurt. Be angry. Let loose. Do not hold back! It’s important to pay homage to the feelings of hurt and anger inside. If you completely allow yourself to feel your feelings and express them, then letting go and forgiving will come easy.
Many times we suppress our feelings because we think that if we are going to forgive them, then we should not feel hurt or angry. We have to be happy about it and just magically let it go. But your feelings are your servant, not your ruler. Express your emotions. Allowing yourself to express your feelings will help you to move forward.
Third, accept the fact that you have decided to stay and work on your relationship with your partner. Make the decision right now that today is day one of the rest of your lives. You will still have memories of your past relationship and even the infidelity.
[Disclaimer: There will be moments moving forward where the feelings will resurface. You will need patience when you are feeling uneasy. Take your time and sit with your feelings. Separate yourself from him if it is necessary. Resurfacing feelings are not a reason to beat him up or berate him about the situation again.]
When feelings resurface remember you have decided to forgive. You are not going to suppress your opinions, but you are going to deal with them. Cry if you need to. Spend time with supportive friends. Take some time to play the connection game with your partner.
Human love is not unconditional. Our love depends on our ability to remain happy, feel safe and connected. A friend told me once, “Love is not loving until the conditions are tested.” A cheating boyfriend is a test of these conditions. Forgiveness doesn’t come in one day. It is work, and you have to take the time and make the commitment.
Having a Ho’oponopono Prayer is an excellent tool to help you to forgive in those tough moments. You can use the Forgive My Cheating Boyfriend Prayer or request a personal Ho’oponopono Prayer to help you.
I sincerely believe in Staying Together. Every successful relationship was not with partners who were faithful the entire time. But it should be your decision and not your cheating boyfriend or friends or family. Your choice.
Be blessed. Be well.
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