This post seems like forgiveness blasphemy, but it is a hidden truth of forgiveness that I wanted to share with you.
The practice of forgiveness is usually defined by the word forgive. Even more elusive is the phrase ‘letting go.” How do you let go of pain, hurt and resentment? Better yet, how do you hold onto an emotion that does not have mass?
What if I told you that beyond the ‘let it go’ illusion that there is no such thing as forgiving another person? Would you believe that? Does that ring true for you? Let’s see…
“Forgive them,” they say.
verb: forgive; 3rd person present: forgives; past tense: forgave; gerund or present participle: forgiving; past participle: forgiven
- stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. “I don’t think I’ll ever forgive David for the way he treated her” synonyms
:pardon, excuse, exonerate, absolve; antonyms: blame, resent
- stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for (an offense, flaw, or mistake). “they are not going to pat my head and say all is forgiven“
- cancel (a debt). “he proposed that their debts should be forgiven”
- used in polite expressions as a request to excuse or regard indulgently one’s foibles, ignorance, or impoliteness. “you will have to forgive my suspicious mind” synonyms: excuse, overlook, disregard, ignore, pass over, make allowances for, allow; antonyms: punish
When you say that you will not forgive, you believe that you are punishing the other person for their lousy action or inaction. Unless you are going to whip out a set of sadist tools to inflict physical pain, then the plan must be to inflict psychological warfare on the “Unforgiven.”
Whenever you see them, you will make sure that they know that you are angry, resentful and unyielding. You will not give an excuse. You will not ignore mistakes. You will make sure that you let them know that they are on trial — if only in your mind. They will experience extreme discomfort at the sight of you. You will make their brief interaction with you the most uncomfortable of their lives.
You alone will hold them accountable for their actions. You will make sure that their folly does not go unnoticed. You will not allow them to live a life without scrutiny. You are the warden, and they are the prisoner.
They only live under your attack for such a small part of their lives. You are more of a short-term burden than an incessant conscious. You think about “your prisoner” more than you think of yourself. It is only at the time that you release them from this prison of unforgiveness that you realize that just you were you who was suffering the whole time.
“Staying in condemnation of others is like choosing to be the warden guarding the prisoners at the jail (making them stay guilty) even though neither of you can ever leave. If you stay at your post to keep them in, you are still there with them (in prison) the whole time. Let yourself out of prison, even if it means letting them leave too! Choose to let everyone out and do it for selfish reasons — because you want a better, happier life, free from pain.” – Dr. Matt TownsendSource
To excuse, overlook, disregard, ignore, pass over, make allowances for, allow.
These are words that are something like the word forgive. They are not accurate definitions within themselves. You can choose any of these synonyms when you decide to forgive. That does not mean that you have to select any one of them.
Forgiveness does not mean that we allow evil doers, punishers or abusers to live in our lives. It does not mean that we overlook their misdoings or allow them to hurt us over and over.
Forgiveness does not cancel justice. If it is right that wrongdoer goes to jail, then he goes to jail. If it is right to remove that person from your life, then you remove them. If it is right for them to lose their position, then you strip it away. Forgiveness means that once justice is done (or even before it is done) you are relieved from the pain.
It is not the person that hurt you that you are genuinely forgiving. You are genuinely forgiving yourself and relieving your mind and heart of the hurt, pain, and resentment. Though that person committed an act that hurt your feelings or your body, they have nothing to do with what forgiveness does for you.
So forget that thought that you must forgive him or her. Remember always that forgiveness is just for you. It heals you. It revives you. It cleanses you. You are the ONLY one that is hurt by unforgiveness. The reverse is you are also the one who is healed by forgiveness. So choose today not to forgive anyone ever again.
For My Readers:
Do you have your own question? Ask me here.
Is there someone that you are having trouble forgiving? Comment below.